Below Deck with Lower Decks: To Gel with It

There are places in this universe that no one ever wants to visit. We're talking about remote destinations far away from everything that makes life enjoyable or at the very least not terrifying; locations not for the faint of heart or weak of mind.

Rura Penthe. The Vidian homeworld. Naval Station Guantanamo Bay. That one house in your neighborhood along with its peculiar odor of Taco Bell and cats. Walmart.

You get the idea.

But it's one such locale that plays host to the U.S.S. Cerritos and its crew in this week's all new episode of . You know the nightmare-inducing place I mean. We can only be talking about the infamous Starbase 80.

After suffering a malfunction that affects its navigational systems and essentially leaves the ship flying blind while traveling at warp (while zapping right there in their very own special whale tank), the Cerritos is forced to limp to the notorious remote outpost, as it's the closest destination within range at sublight speeds.

Saddled with a reputation for being the least desired posting in the entire Federation, Starbase 80 is home to what at first appears to be some of the lowest performing and least motivated officers in Starfleet. It's as though everyone sent here loses all sense of purpose or incentive to do just the bare minimum, let alone aspiring to the normal lofty Starfleet performance standards. Mariner calls this odd condition and the behavior exhibited by anyone so afflicted "the 80."

Could it be the ill-famed starbase is just cursed, or might there be more here than meets the eye?

Upon arrival at Starbase 80, the Cerritos crew learns the station's transporters aren't safe for living beings, which means when an away team beams over, they'll have to carry out decontamination protocols. You know, the weird kind. The kind where you have to strip down to your Captain Kirk Underoos and rub special :: air quotes :: decontamination gel all over yourself…well, the parts not covered by the Underoos, at least. In short order, Captain Freeman, Commander Ransom, and the Lower Deckers are in a decontamination room and…

…yeah. It gets awkward.

Ew.

The concept of starships using decontamination chambers of this sort as well as the accompanying gel application ritual were introduced in "," the series premiere of . As explained in the NX-class starship's technical manual, which is a thing I just totally made up since no one ever got around to publishing one, this decon procedure — which included topical skin gels as well as exposure to ultraviolet light — was a means of combating exposure to possible pathogens or other contaminants while on an away mission. The procedure is carried out before away team members rejoin the rest of the ship and its crew. This was, of course, during the 2150s, an era before transporters advanced to the point of isolating and removing such potential threats on its own.

The decontamination technology and procedures were first used during the inaugural deep-space mission of the Enterprise NX-01 under the command of Captain Jonathan Archer in 2151. Archer's chief engineer, Trip Tucker, and science officer, Subcommander T'Pol, found themselves exposed to hazardous microorganisms which could have endangered the rest of the ship's crew if not neutralized. Therefore, Tucker and T'Pol found themselves isolating together in the Enterprise's decon chamber, warming under UV lighting like soggy fries at a fast food joint while applying the gel to themselves (and each other when it was necessary to hit those hard-to-reach spots).

Oh, knock it off. What are you, 12? Stop snickering. JUST STOP IT. THIS IS IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION THAT COULD ONE DAY SAVE YOUR LI—— oh, who am I kidding? Snicker away.

In the 24th Century, such procedures are little more than a backup plan for when a . The same is true for starbases. Well, one starbase, at any rate. Lucky you, Cerritos crew. Welcome to Starbase 80.

:: Reads note sent from "a reader" ::

I have no idea if the gel is flavored, Kevin, and I don't want to know why you want to know that.

As for uncovering the secret of Starbase 80, you'll just gave to take a gander at this week's episode of Star Trek: Lower Decks.

(No, Kevin. The gel does not taste good on toast.)