Below Deck with Lower Decks: Idol Fancies

Greetings, Lower Deckers!

Yes, it's more than a tad bittersweet, returning to "Below Deck" after a year of waiting for an all-new season of Star Trek: Lower Decks. I'm jazzed to catch up with Mariner and Boims and the rest of the Cerritos gang, but also sad that these next ten columns will be my last. Five seasons of adventures with our favorite not-at-all senior officers just doesn't seem like enough, but oh what fun we've had! It's been a long road, you know, getting from—

:: WHISTLE ::

:: REFEREE THROWS YELLOW FLAG ::

"Personal foul: Unnecessary invocation of prior Star Trek series. Fifteen light years, loss of introduction."

:: WHISTLE ::

Wow. Tough room. Anyway…..

Months after Captain Freeman and the crew of the Cerritos defeated Nick Locarno and his Nova Fleet, D'Vana Tendi has left Starfleet. Holding up her end of an arrangement with her sister, D’Erika, which gave her and and her Cerritos shipmates assistance in their bid against Locarno, Tendi now serves as captain of an Orion pirate vessel. Her latest target? A merchant vessel owned by Captain Yorif, a collector and trader of rare and valuable objects.

Disguised as a Haliian consort, Tendi has made her way aboard Yorif's ship to scope out his collection and see what's ripe for pirating. Among the various mementos and other items of which Yorif is very proud is a bejeweled golden statue he calls a "Veltan lust idol." It's got pearls, and everything!

"Hey, Dayton," I can hear one of you calling from the back of the room. I see your hand waving in the air, I know what you're going to say, and you're absolutely right! We first met a Yorif-type as an acquaintance of Kivas Fajo — Palor Toff, another obtainer of rare items. Fajo even took it upon himself to kidnap Data from the Enterprise, in the third-season Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "The Most Toys," to show off in front of Toff.

Toff went to a lot of effort to secure this idol, you see, and—

"Hey, Dayton!" I can hear someone else shouting. "That's not what he called it in the TNG episode!"

And you'd be right about that, too! When Toff visits Fajo in "The Most Toys," he makes a point of telling his friend that he's recently acquired a "Veltan sex idol." When Fajo one-ups him by replying he has four such idols in his own collection, Toff is taken aback. "With the pearls intact?" he asks, somewhat desperately, only to be told by Fajo that pearls on such a statue are mere decoration added by Ferengi agents in a shameless bid to pump up their perceived value. Looks like Toff fell for the scam!

As for the idol itself, it's one of a few love symbols and statues known to be floating around out there. The inhabitants of Mavok Prime certainly love their fertility totems, but I have it on good authority that these should definitely not be presented to the higher ups on Gelrak V in lieu of their Honor crystal. The crew of the Cerritos can tell you all about that (see the Lower Decks episode "Temporal Edict" for more details!).

However, the clear champion in this realm has to be the horga'hn, a symbol of sexuality which can be found just about everywhere on the resort planet Risa as well as Captain Riker's quarters on the U.S.S. Titan. Just be careful about how, where, and when you deploy these bad boys. Jean-Luc Picard can probably tell you about that (or, you can just check out the TNG episode "Captain's Holiday").

Needless to say, Tendi and her fellow pirates succeed in capturing Yorif's ship along with all its various contents. It's another big win for the Orion Syndicate!

And while all this is going down? The Cerritos and its crew have stumbled through a quantum fissure and into a parallel universe, only to run into an alternate version of themselves. As you do.

I'm sure it'll be fine, but you can find out for yourself by checking out "Dos Cerritos," this week's all-new episode of Star Trek: Lower Decks!